Not very often will I talk about things on this site that are of a very personal nature. Sometimes I do though and this is one of those times.
I have a serious character flaw that has nearly brought me to my knees on more than one occasion. It’s something that I hate about myself and if there was one thing I could change this would be it. I have a soft heart. I feel the emotions of other people in my heart. I get choked up if I see someone in emotional pain whether I know the person or not. I laugh with total strangers as well as cry with them. I’ve always been generous with my feelings which in most cases causes me to be the person that other people turn to when they need someone to talk to. I’ve never complained and was always happy to be there for someone in their time of need. I have found that this is a one way street. When my life is in turmoil there is no one to turn to.
I talk about hiking a lot on this site and one reason I love to hike is because there is nothing expected of me when I am in the mountains. I leave my troubles at the tree line. The problem is that I always seem to pick them up again on the way out. One of these times I’m going to disappear into the trees and never come out again. I’ll finally be happy in a life of listening and never being heard. Sometimes I envy those that can turn a blind eye to the troubles of other people. I think it is sad to wish for a cold heart.
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August 29th, 2007 at 7:49 am
that’s not a flaw.
best wishes
SBW
August 29th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Denny, you have my email address if you ever want to talk. I hope everything turns around and works out for you. You’re a good person who only deserves the best. Talk to me.
August 29th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
I struggled with whether or not to say anything about this post. Finally decided I should. For better or worse, here it is.
I have a soft heart too. I always try to do things for others, and would often do things that made circumstances difficult for me if it would help someone else. I also often found myself not receiving the same sort of help when I needed it.
Then one day I realized two things. One, if I was doing things for others and expecting anything in return, I was doing things for the wrong reason. If I genuinely wanted to help someone just to help them, than I should do it. If I was extending a helping hand or a listening ear in hopes of a return, then I probably shouldn’t do it, because I would most likely be disappointed.
The second thing I learned was that the only one who would take care of me is me. If I felt my boundries were being tresspassed, or I was being taken advantage of, the only one who could stop it was me. This has led to me saying no to requests that would have previously been met with a yes. I’m less stressed, more respected and much happier.
The first step in solving any problem is figuring out the part you play in it. If you feel people aren’t supporting you, maybe you’ve been supporting the wrong people.
Like I said, for better or worse, here are my thoughts. I hope you’ll take them in the spirit they’re meant.
August 29th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
Thanx for your comment SBW
Kristine… I’ve never been one to expect anything in return for helping people but what I did receive for my help was feeling good about myself for just simply doing the right thing. I have always had a problem with saying no especially if it is in my power to help other people whether that be just listening or whatever.
Maybe my problem lies in the fact that I have supported the wrong people but in listening to other peoples problems how do you choose who to help and who not to?
I wrote this post and then took quite a long time to actually post it. It stemmed from the frustration of having no one I feel I can talk to about things that are bothering me. Sometimes the supporter could use just a little bit of support. I’ve never felt so alone in my life and it comes at a time when I could use someone like myself to talk to… if that makes any sense.
I can never change who I am nor would I want to but sometimes I wish I could. Maybe then I wouldn’t carry other peoples problems around as well as my own. At times the burden becomes too much to bare. When that happens I write posts like this one… thank you Kristine.
Dennie… I appreciate your concern but the problems I am facing and have allowed to compound requires something a little less impersonal than email. I also appreciate your friendship and you are an exception to the rule. Sometimes I feel that moving back here was a mistake but you know as well as I do, that choice wasn’t my own.
Anybody curious about that last statement can refer to this post for a little insight.
Homeless
August 29th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Denny, I know an email is impersonal, but unfortunatly being 315 miles away that’s all I have to offer right now.
And, I am concerned. You’re a great friend and I know what kind of person you are and know everything you’ve been through. Talking to you through a computer screen just is’nt the same as getting together to hang out or do things. Atleast then I actually saw you and knew how you were doing and that you were okay.
Anytime you need to talk you know how to reach me. I’ll leave it at that.
Until I come down there in the next few months the only means of communication is through the puter.
Take care Buddy.