I thought a long time before deciding to write this post. I don’t mean to be negative but sadly, loneliness is something that a lot of people have to deal with through the holidays. At least I don’t think I’m the only one. For me this is a day in which other people are giving thanks for whatever, it is a day on which I contemplate the things that could be, had my life not been filled with the wrong decisions, wrong relationships, wrong time, wrong place….
At one point I got tired of being wrong so I stopped giving wrong an opportunity. I built a solid steel wall around everything I considered to be safe and never ventured outside of that safe zone. I don’t mean that I haven’t lived. I’ve been around the world, but I was there alone. It’s always been denny against the world, so to speak. I look back now and think it’s just sad.
I think another thing that bothers me a little is the fact that I have moved so much that nowhere really feels like home for the holidays. My parents sold the house we grew up in so even going to their house doesn’t feel like home.
I guess I’m a little sad. I’ll be happy when I have survived another holiday season…
.
November 23rd, 2007 at 2:45 am
Just dropping in to say hi, Denny. Hope all is well!
November 23rd, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Yeah, Denny, I am the same now, however, I’m comfortable with it. Sometimes it is sad, but I just accept it. Keep your head up.
November 23rd, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Hi Film Geek… all is well. Hope the same for you and yours.
Thanks for commenting Bman. I was comfortable with it too for the first ten years or so. Not so much anymore though. For me it has gotten progressively harder to accept. But then I think I’m here because I chose to be. I am a victim of my own creation.
November 25th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Being alone sucks.
Hang in there, the holidays will be over soon enough.
I guess we’re all kind of victims of our own choices… I have been. At the same time that also means that while we’re still kickin’ there are choices to be made and each can make a change in life to come I suppose.
Anyway, take care. For what it’s worth I really enjoy getting each installment of your blog in email.
Michael
November 26th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Michael… it’s worth alot. Thanks
November 26th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I think being alone is like anything else, it’s in how you look at it. I’ve been alone for some Thanksgivings by choice. For others it was circumstances. Some years, I really needed the solitude to contemplate my life and the direction in which I wanted to go. Other years, I worked serving dinner to the less fortunate, which is a great way to remind yourself that spending a holiday alone is by no means the worst thing that can happen.
I suppose the distinction is between being alone and being lonely. Being alone can be a good thing. Being lonely generally is not. The good thing about being lonely, however, is that it can be fixed.
In any case, even if it is just through the computer, there are people who enjoy your work, and enjoy coming here. So, in that sense, you aren’t alone.
December 1st, 2007 at 2:59 am
Kristine… I know a lot about the less fortunate thing from personal experience. I agree there are things worse than just being alone. I guess maybe I’m a little selfish during the holidays in wishing for just a little more. To not be alone…
Thank you Kristine… a very thought provoking comment. Thanks for the vote of confidence too